More babies?!

There have been big changes going on lately in the Gladwin family. We have officially moved into our new house! (post about that coming soon!) This house has been a dream or ours for many years. Over the last 3 years we have put innumerable hours into dreaming up, designing, hiring, firing, redesigning and building this amazing house that we will live in for the rest of our lives.

During this time, we also got pregnant and had a baby!  Zachary is an awesome, almost-2-year-old.  He’s full of wonder, too smart for his own good (and mine for that matter) and frankly, a handful.
We have always said we would have 2 kids, for a number of reasons.  The most important to me being that I have always felt like that would feel like a complete family to me.  I grew up with 3 little siblings, and while I love them all and wouldn’t change a thing, I also think that I would have a very hard time giving as much attention as I would want to 4 children.  One has always felt lonely.
Now, I have to admit, I’m not so sure.  Can we just have one and feel like a complete family?  We do, though there has always been the expectation of another soon.  Will I always want another baby?  Even if I have another one, will I still always want yet another baby?  I have plenty of friends who are very happy with the number of kids they have, yet still long for a newborn, and another chance to experience the magic that comes with all the ‘firsts’ of a new life.
I had a difficult postpartum period, Zachary was great and healthy, I was physically healing well.

Mentally, I was a mess.  It took me almost a year to realize I was dealing with postpartum depression.  I didn’t realize that spring and summer had happened and that we could venture outside until mid-June.  Zero sex drive. Attending births was too scary.  I couldn’t remember the last time I had belly-laughed.  I started several treatment routes, and began to feel more human by September.  The last 10 months have been hard, lots of uprooting and shifting ground, but I have for the most part been able to stay even-keeled and emotionally healthy.
Now, here we are, at the time when we always imagined trying for number 2, and I feel like we JUST got a hold on real life.  So, do we just go for it, know it will be amazing, and life changing – again? Or, do we hold off, wait for things to settle further (will they ever settle?) and then have the conversation again? I’ll let you know where we land.