Working Together

I have been so blessed to work with many amazing practitioners.  I have also seen laboring mothers treated as though they were 2nd class citizens – stupid, and unable to think clearly or logically.  When I’ve seen the entire birth team working together, the outcomes are beautiful.  They might not always be ideal, and they might leave the mother with feelings of sadness or disappointment, but they don’t leave anyone feeling as though they were taken advantage of. They don’t leave questions behind.  When the whole team works together – mother, father, doula, nurse, midwife and/or OB – the world the baby is born into is one of harmony and respect.

birth team, doula, nurse, OB
The Whole Birth Team

I consider myself a mother advocate, and perhaps even a birth activist *gasp*.  I believe ALL women deserve to have supported, informed births – in whatever shape that takes for them.  Women are strong, and in almost all cases can speak for themselves and advocate for themselves.  However, in our culture, many people feel powerless as soon as they enter the hospital or doctors office, so while you may be a wonderful advocate for yourself, adding labor and white-coat syndrome to the decision making process should be taken into account.  I also know, that in any setting, especially a hospital, many women will labor better when left alone in quiet darkness.  I know the difference between reminding care providers about the mother’s wishes, and making decisions for the laboring family.  It is NOT my place to make decisions, but I am perfectly qualified to refer to the Birth Plan to remind a nurse or OB what the wishes of the client are.

Respect is so important.

Respect for the medical team, who have spent their entire adult lives learning and perfecting the science surrounding birth.  Respect for the mother, who’s innate knowledge of her body, baby, and boundaries is sacred and worthy.  Respect of the supporting birth team.  The partner, who loves and supports, yet is also nervous and only wants everyone to be safe.  The Doula, who is present to make sure that the team can all work seamlessly together.  Is the mother being heard, and does the partner feel safe?  Has the doctor, who has seen a lot of trauma, (which can alter the way information is taken in and presented) spoken clearly and respectfully to the clients.  Has ALL of the information been shared, so an informed decision can be made?

When a birth team works together to provide safety and knowledge to a birthing family, the results are profoundly empowering, while the opposite can be devastating to the mother’s self-esteem and trust in her instincts.  A mother’s instinct, when allowed to have a voice, and when listened to, can set the stage for a closer mother-baby bond, a healthier relationship as the infant becomes baby, baby a toddler, and toddler a child.  When a mother can trust her instincts, when she is taught that her instincts are valid, her relationships – especially with her children – can flourish in a real and meaningful way.  Breastfeeding is better when babies and mothers are bonded.  When a mother’s instinct to be constantly near her newborn is trusted, outcomes are better; less jaundice, better heart rate and breathing rate, better temperature regulation, better sleep, and better weight gain.

Having a less than ideal birth team does not mean you are guaranteed to have a less than ideal birth experience. Have a clear idea of what you would like, understand WHY you want what you want and then write a birth plan. Being able to advocate for yourself, and having open and clear communication goes a very long way!

Labor and Delivery Teamwork Leads to Fewer Cesareans

Giving Thanks

We, Ariana and Katy, would like to show our gratitude to all of our family, friends and community for supporting us as we work to grow this business to support our families.  Thank you to the mothers and families who have trusted us to come into the birth rooms to hold space and support.  We never take that honor lightly.  Thank you to all the clients who have become great friends!

doula selfie
Thankful doulas

We thought we would list out a few things we are each grateful for this fall.
I am grateful for my partner. I am grateful that my partner has a job that allows him flexibility on days I’m at an overnight birth when he needs to find childcare for the day.  On that note- I’m grateful that I have amazing childcare options, a must in this kind of work.
I am grateful that hospital policies seem to be following evidence lately.  The shift towards even more mother/baby friendly care is heartwarming to see.

Cuddly Kitty
Cuddly Kitty

I’m thankful for my house.  It is awesome.
I’m grateful for cozy fires, cuddly kitties, and yarn.
I’m grateful for Zachary!  Parenting a toddler can be a serious challenge, but the growth I feel as we go through everyday’s little tests is profound. His joy, curiosity, wonder, and spirit make everyday better!
I’m thankful to have found work that fulfills me. I never want to live to work, or work to live, but it’s great to have a job I love doing that fills me up.
I am thankful for my partner who totally understands that we might have to leave in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner so that I can go to a birth (or any dinner for that matter); who has been helpful and supportive as I put more time into make doula work work.

doula husbands
And for overlapping off-call time so our families can go camping together!

I am grateful for care providers who trust women, their bodies, and birth.
I am thankful for all of the families who have allowed me to serve as witness and support during their pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
I am grateful for horrible horrible dad-joke level puns that get me laughing no matter how hard a day it’s been.
Happy Thanksgiving from our families to yours!

Mother Interview: A Beautifully Healing Birth

vaginal birth after cesarean VBAC birth storyName (Age): Charity (34)
City: Dexter
Birth Location: St. Joseph Mercy – Menon, Miller & Midwives

 
SRS: When did you decide to hire a doula? Was it always in your plan, or was there a moment when you decided?
Charity: With my first I wanted and planned for an unmedicated birth but ended up having a c-section due to him being breech. So when I became pregnant with my second, just 5 short months after my first was born, I knew immediately I wanted an unmedicated vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC)! I knew hiring a doula would greatly increase my chances of that VBAC.
SRS: ring sling VBAC newbornWhat was the single most helpful thing a part of your birth team did for you while you were in labor?
Charity: Have confidence in me that I could have an unmedicated VBAC! 

SRS: Did you seek out a specific care provider when you knew you wanted a VBAC?
Charity: ​I didn’t seek out a specific care provider as I was already with a midwife.  I did take a class with Beth about VBAC’s which was extremely helpful!​
SRS: What two things do you wish you would have been told before you were pregnant?
Charity: Your baby only needs YOU! Be confident in yourself as a mother.
SRS: What do you wish no one would have said to you while you were pregnant?
Charity: You’re pregnant again? Wow, that was quick!
SRS: What is the most indispensable thing that you have needed as a new mom?Charity: Help with everyday household needs!
siblings meeting birthSRS: What were you not able to do while pregnant that you couldn’t wait to do again?
Charity: Sleep on my belly!

SRS: What was the biggest surprise with the immediate postpartum time?

Charity: How quickly I adjusted to having 2 little ones. And how much easier nursing was the second time around.
SRS: What other life event should have a “doula”?
Charity: Death.
 
 

What to Read When You Are Expecting: … (part I)

Why we need more than “What to Expect When You Are Expecting”

Birth isn't something we suffer

When it comes to books about the childbearing year, twinkle-in-the-eye to postpartum time, there are a number of really great books out there for expectant parents. For myself (and the families we support) I want a book about birth and pregnancy that affirms and reinforces the things that I know about myself. That I am powerful, I am capable, and I am smart. I don’t want a to be condescended toward, and I don’t want to be worn down. This is part of the reason I became a doula (the approach part, not because of books necessarily), and it’s also why I recommend certain books over others when clients ask for reading suggestions.

While “What to Expect…” may be one of the easiest books to find, the following excerpt is just one of the reasons we don’t include it in our lending library:

“Those 15 or so hours it takes to birth a baby aren’t called labor because it’s a walk in the park. Labor is hard work — hard work that can hurt, big time. And if you actually consider what’s going on down there, it’s really no wonder that labor hurts. During childbirth, your uterus contracts over and over again to squeeze a relatively big baby through one relatively tight space (your cervix) and out through an even tighter once (your vagina, that same opening you once thought was too small for a tampon). Like they say, it’s pain with a purpose — a really cute and cuddly purpose –yet it is pain nonetheless.”

 

doula rcontractions affirmationsOuch!

Thankfully, this is only one way of approaching the work of labor. As I was going through our library I was struck by the different words that various authors chose to describe the work a body does in labor. Their intentional word choice is indicative of the disparate tones the books strike.  There are lots of books about pregnancy and childbirth that affirm a pregnant woman’s intelligence and ability to birth her baby. For example, here is an excerpt (with some paraphrasing) from “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” in which she proposes that whether a baby, a penis, or a tampon it may be less the size and more the preparation that makes the difference:

“No one questions that labor and birth can be physically painful experiences for many women. Less well known is the fact some women in all cultures have labors that are essentially painless…How is it possible…?…What can we learn from this…? To answer these questions, it may help to try and think of labor and birth from a different angle than the usual one…Consider another act that involves the same female reproductive organs as labor does – the sex act. [It] may be extremely painful or ecstatically pleasurable, depending on the skill and sensitivity of the sexual partner and the willingness of the female involved. The size of the object…has less to do with the physical sensations…than do the factors just mentioned…The same size tampon can be inserted in a painful or painless fashion, depending on whether the woman had too much coffee to drink that morning, how cold it is, or the speed with which she tries to insert it. A lot depends on how ready she is for the experience. Looked at from this perspective, it should be somewhat less surprising that there is such a wide variation in the way different woman describe the sensations of labor and birth.”

 
The language we use impacts our perception of an event. It all boils down to attitude and how the author approaches the reader. There are other books out there that give the same format as “What to Expect” (month-by-month what you can expect from pregnancy, with information on medical and non-medical interventions), but also offer an alternative, less alarming, approach.

  • The Healthy Pregnancy Book – William Sears, MD & Martha Sears, RN with Linda Holt, MD and BJ Snell PhD,CNWempowering books suggestions
  • The Natural Pregnancy Book – Aviva Jill Romm
  • Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn – Penny Simkin et al
  • The Complete Book of Pregnancy & Childbirth – Sheila Kitzinger

Long story short:

It is possible to write about all the potential risks, trials, triumphs and joys that pregnancy holds while also making it a time of personal strength. A challenge that does not have to exhaust you. Which books did you love during your pregnancy and postpartum time?

Check back next month for some more of our favorites!

Mother Interview: Really Drawn Out Change of Plans

We’re going to start doing small interviews with our past clients, not necessarily about birth, but about some of the little things surrounding birth.  What was hard, what was the best advice you received, etc…  We hope that in sharing these candid little parts of pregnancy and new motherhood, we can normalize this experience for everyone.  We so often only see the most beautiful parts, or the hardest struggles, of  this major life change.  There is so much more!  All titles for the interviews are chosen by the mothers themselves.
This is MY interview!  Nothing profound, just a casual chat.  If you would like to be interviewed, please let us know, we would LOVE to hear from you.  We hope to have a new interview every month or so. Love, Katy

Katy and Ross get to know baby ZOG
Love at First Sight

Name (Age): KG (31)
City: Ypsilanti
Birth Location(s): Home Birth Transfer to University of Michigan Hospital

SRS: When did you decide to hire a doula? Was it always in your plan, or was there a moment when you decided?
KG: I actually didn’t call on a doula for support until about 36 weeks. I had people who were attending who would be great doulas, so it wasn’t until about 36 weeks that I realized I needed one of them to “take the lead” in managing all the little things that doulas do.
SRS: Who did you have on your birth team?laboring, support, labor
KG: My partner, Ross, my midwife, Beth, my mom (who has worked as a Birth Assistant), and Grace, my best friend (also a trained Doula).
SRS: What do you wish no one would have said to you while you were pregnant?
KG: Are you sure there aren’t twins in there? And all the horror birth stories. All I could think was: Why didn’t you have a doula!
SRS: What 2 things do you wish you would have been told before you were pregnant?
KG: Oh geez… 1. This is probably TMI, but, vaginal discharge! I know a woman’s body goes through all sorts of changes, but man. It wasn’t gross or anything, just like glue! Ugh. 2. I didn’t realize that pregnancy would affect my appetite so much. I didn’t have any interest in food for most of my pregnancy. I didn’t have terrible “morning sickness” but did have mild nausea the entire pregnancy.
SRS: What kept you up at night during your pregnancy?
KG: Insomnia. Which I learned was normal during my late night researching because I couldn’t sleep.
SRS: What were you not able to do while pregnant that you couldn’t wait to do again?
KG: Drink a nice strong beer!
SRS: What is the most indispensable thing that you have needed as a new mom?
KG: Baby carriers. The Moby wrap early on, and my woven wrap into toddler-hood. These are indispensable when trying to get around or get anything done with an infant. At 2 years old, Z also still loves to fall asleep being all wrapped up.
SRS: What was the hardest part about your postpartum time?
KG: Depression.  This was also great, because while depression is hard, I had never been told I was depressed.  Postpartum exacerbated my symptoms, but also helped me see I have been suffering years.
SRS: What was the biggest surprise with the immediate postpartum time?
KG: How much I actually knew about what was best for my baby. Trusting my instincts hasn’t steered me wrong yet.